Monday, August 31, 2009 @ 10:16 PM
Forgive.
Walking in the Rain - A1SITTING BY THE WINDOW
SINGING SONGS OF LOVE
WISHING YOU WERE HERE
BECAUSE THE MEMORY'S NOT ENOUGH
WEAR MY MASK IN SILENCE
PRETENDING I'M ALRIGHT
IF YOU COULD SEE THEN YOU WOULD BE
HERE STANDING BY MY SIDE
IT MAY BE HARD TO BELIEVE
BUT GIRL YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I NEED
IT MAY BE HARD ALONG THE WAY
IT'S THIS FEELING I GET
WHEN BLUE SKIES TURN TO GREY
FEELS LIKE I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
I FIND MYSELF TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE PAIN
CAUSE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME SOME SHELTER
CAUSE I'M FADING AWAY
AND BABY, I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
EVERY SINGLE HOUR
OF EVERY SINGLE DAY
I NEED TO CRY, MY EYES ARE DRY
I'VE CRIED MY TEARS AWAY
CAN'T HELP BUT REMEMBER
HOW YOU MADE ME FEEL
YOU DRESSED MY SOUL AND MADE ME WHOLE
YOU MADE MY LIFE COMPLETE
IT MAY BE HARD TO BELIEVE
BUT GIRL YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I NEED
IT MAY BE HARD ALONG THE WAY
IT'S THIS FEELING I GET
WHEN BLUE SKIES TURN TO GREY
FEELS LIKE I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
I FIND MYSELF TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE PAIN
CAUSE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME SOME SHELTER
CAUSE I'M FADING AWAY
AND BABY, I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
OF ALL WE'VE SAID AND DONE
REMAINS THE MEMORIES OF DAYS
WHEN LIFE WAS FUN
BUT NOW WHEN YOU ARE GONE
I SIT ALONE TO WATCH THE
SETTING OF THE SUN
FEELS LIKE I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
I FIND MYSELF TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE PAIN
CAUSE I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME SOME SHELTER
CAUSE I'M FADING AWAY
AND BABY, I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
I SAID BABY, I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
Somehow what's been sung in the song is quite true...
WEAR MY MASK IN SILENCE
PRETENDING I'M ALRIGHT
FEELS LIKE I'M WALKING IN THE RAIN
I FIND MYSELF TRYING TO WASH AWAY THE PAIN
IT'S THIS FEELING I GET
WHEN BLUE SKIES TURN TO GREY
EVERY SINGLE HOUR
OF EVERY SINGLE DAY
I NEED TO CRY, MY EYES ARE DRY
I'VE CRIED MY TEARS AWAY
CAN'T HELP BUT REMEMBER
HOW YOU MADE ME FEEL
Right now, all I want is to forgive you. I just want to do that. Doesn't mean I want to be friends with you, just forgive you. Cause I'm tired, tired of being so sad... I'm tried of walking in the rain. God's telling me to do it, I'll do it. It's probably the best for me. I might not be able to forget but I will try my best to forgive. Wash away everything like how God did, Seen my flaws but yet still able to forgive me somehow.
"And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us." - The Lord's Prayer
Thanks HianLee, for always being here putting up with me. (: I love you.
Thanks to you too. You know who you are. (:
The Girl sitting by the window,
Ezann.
31. August. 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009 @ 11:08 PM
God's telling me.
Hello.I thought I might as well do this before I sleep...
It's like God's telling me over and over again, that I cannot be the weak one in this relationship, I cannot be the one who cries and feel like committing suicide, cause He seem to be telling me, Hian lee needs you more than you need him. With my own sense, I seem to need to pull myself through and somehow pull Hianlee through this as well. I suppose what we're looking forward to is 2012, 2013 when we board that plane to London... Off to a place of escape and be who we wanna be there, Me probably an Art Director and HianLee probably an Engineer, somehow we're both looking forward to it for various reasons, but I suppose somehow it all boils down to an escape from hell. We both want an escape from all our problems and somehow we both look to London as that escape.
But it somehow seems that right now God just wants me to be the strong one in this relationship, to somehow take on the guy role of the whole relationship, I suppose one day or another I will have to accept that fate. I will love HianLee forever, I will somehow brew on how to live another day learning to be strong, and I somehow figured out that HianLee's one person God's telling me to never let go cause every time I think of letting go I can't bear myself to do it. Somehow, someway God's telling me that HianLee's the person I made for you, and you're the person I made for him. Somehow, someway I will pull the both of your through, but with minimal help. You guys have to be there for each other and especially you to him, Ezann. You guys will have to jump pass all the obstacles I have set for you and be there for each other. I know sometimes it's though to work with and help HianLee, but this is my task for you and somehow you've gotta finish it Ezann. And I know sometimes Ezann asks for or sticks to you too much and too often, but somehow and someway you have got to live with it Hian Lee.
All in all, I know that I love him, I know somehow I have to help him break free from his misery... Somehow that's my life's task. For as they say, saving one life is equivalent to saving a thousand lives.
HianLee, Keep going. Keep going until you can't, until you have to fall on to me and say: "Enough, you take over." Keep going until then, I will always be here dressed in a gym top and a mini skirt with a pom pom cheering for you... I am your girl and will always be your girl. I love you. Remember: HianLee + Ezann = Forever & Always.
The Girl sitting on Lord Jesus's laps,
Ezann.
22. August. 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009 @ 11:45 PM
Stress?
Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms:I will Bold and put in red the ones that I am suffering from...
Cognitive Symptoms
* Memory problems
* Inability to concentrate
* Poor judgment
* Seeing only the negative
* Anxious or racing thoughts
* Constant worrying
Emotional Symptoms
* Moodiness
* Irritability or short temper
* Agitation, inability to relax
* Feeling overwhelmed
* Sense of loneliness and isolation
* Depression or general unhappiness
Physical Symptoms
* Aches and pains
* Diarrhea or constipation
* Nausea, dizziness
* Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
* Loss of sex drive
* Frequent colds
Behavioral Symptoms
* Eating more or less
* Sleeping too much or too little
* Isolating yourself from others
* Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
* Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
* Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)
As you can see I have probably Highlighted almost everything... Probably the best reason for all my hair loss these days. Ah fuck.
The girl by the sunset,
Ezann.
20. August. 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009 @ 8:22 PM
One. Two. Three. Four. Five
Hey.Came across this song at from the radio... I quite like it.
To Hian Lee:
Back at One - Brian McKnight
It's undeniable
That we should be together
It's unbelievable
How I used to say, that I fall never
The basis is need to know
If you don't know, just how I feel
Then let me show you now, that I'm for real
If all things in time, time will reveal
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
So incredible
The way things work themselves out
And all emotional
once you know what its all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
Never would have made it very far
Cause you know that you got the keys to my heart
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child
Whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life
Into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
just in the nick of time
One
You're like a dream come true
Two
Just wanna be with you
Three
Girl it's plain to see
That you're the only one for me
Four
Repeat steps one through three
Five
Make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
(: The ones I bold at to Hian Lee. The ones in Red are to God.
I love them both. (: Not to mention those who actually cares for me. (: Love You.
The girl sitting by the coconut tree,
Ezann.
19. August. 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009 @ 7:34 PM
Install.
Hey.Installation today
Ezann....
加油！
The girl by her skype,
Ezann.
15. August. 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009 @ 8:12 PM
AUDI R8! :D
HELLO! :DSo... yesterday was our first YEAR anniversary! (quick, congratulate us!) :D
We took some photos...
Hian Lee was slacking on the job! Baka!
I LOVE HIAN LEE! :D KWA KWA KWA KWA KWA.
And... Today... I went to see new car! Audi R8! :D MY DREAM CAR!!!
Pretty car yes? :D
I've had some pretty weird dreams recently... I think the dream thingie in my head is broken... ):
To a good friend:
Keep Holding On - Avirl Lavigne
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Keep holding on
Keep holding on
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
(: As we say in Chinese: 加油！ Jia You!
Don't change. Don't ever change, you are who you are supposed to be my friend, you let the world change the you that God made. God has given us our own individuality, don't ever ever change. You're who you're supposed to be, change only for better not for worse. (: I keep telling Hian lee that and now, I'm telling you too. Don't want you end up like certain people I know who's been so influenced by the world around him that he changed... Cause I don't wanna lose a good friend like you. (: Keep holding on Pal! God Bless.
The girl by those silver teaspoons,
Ezann.
10. August. 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009 @ 9:32 PM
Hello. :DI guess I really do need Michael in my life. Sighs.
"Who is like God", "Like unto God", "Who is like the Divine" The first Angel created by God, Michael is the leader of all the Archangels and is in charge of protection, courage, strength, truth and integrity. Michael protects us physically, emotionally and psychically. He also oversees the light worker's life purpose. His chief function is to rid the earth and its inhabitants of the toxins associated with fear. Michael carries a flaming sword that he uses to cut through etherized cords and protects us from Satan and negative entities. When he's around you may see sparkles or flashes of bright blue or purple light. Michael is helping if you find yourself under psychic attack or if you feel you lack commitment, motivation and dedication to your beliefs, courage, direction, energy, vitality, self-esteem, worthiness. Michael helps us to realize our life's purpose and he's invaluable to light workers helping with protection, space clearing and spirit releasement. Michael conquered the fallen Angel Satan, was in the Garden of Eden to teach Adam how to farm and care for his family, spoke to Moses on Mount Sinai and in 1950 he was canonized as Saint Michael, "the patron of Police Officers," because he helps with heroic deeds and bravery. Michael also has an incredible knack for fixing electrical and mechanical devices, including computers and automobiles. Michael helps us to follow our truth without compromising our integrity and helps us to find our true natures and to be faithful to who we really are. Micheal's message is don't be afraid to stand for what you believe in and to fight for what you desire in life!!
Maybe you should show her this song.
Numb - Linkin Park
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
The Girl by the Mirrors,
Ezann
8. August. 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009 @ 7:32 PM
father's love letter.
Hello.Well... I've heard this a few days back... It's as though God is speaking to me... Directly to me. Everytime I hear this the hair on my arms would stand...
He knows me... It's like he said... I know Everything about you. I will bold and italic the ones that means so much to me.
My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is...Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad
Almighty God
All of the above are true. I know it's true.
Father's Love Letter - Video
The girl sitting on her Father's laps,
Ezann.
5. August. 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009 @ 10:11 PM
Sleepless Nights.
Hello!I don't know what to say right now, all I know is I need to keep happy. Cause if I'm happy, that would affect Hian Lee and keep him happy.
This song used to remind me of a lot of unhappy thoughts simply because of the lyrics. But now, now it just reminds me to keep happy, for Hian Lee's sake. This is one point in time where I finally realize that life isn't just all about me. I just recently realize that I've been selfish for the past 12 months. I've only thought about how things I do would benefit MY relationship with Hian lee, I've never thought about the rest. And I keep asking myself and other people, what must I do to keep Hian Lee happy? I even asked God for help, but I've never realize that I had the answer with me all these while... God sent an angel to help me see that, God has a really funny way of teaching people things, and He doesn't really stop until you learn what you're supposed to. He will keep trying and trying and trying using everything in his power to teach you that lesson. He knows what's good for you, He knows what you really need. And he'll never take away what you really need. I have thought about it this way, maybe I am a present to Hian Lee, to take away all those pain he's been suffering at home and in school, and in return he's my source of comfort and love. I guess, God knew that we both lacked love from the family. I guess that's why we ended up together, we both understood how it feels like to be left alone... We both understood how it feels like to sit in your room alone and crying. I am an only child and his sister, is in New York so he's kinda like an only child at home right now. We both know how it feels like when Mum takes out her anger on you, and how it feels like when Dad doesn't care or is too afraid to do anything. I suppose at the end of the day, we are essintially the same when it comes to getting attention back home. When Hian lee says: "I know how you feel Ezann", he really does know how I feel. God's been such a dear, He's been so much more than I can ever imagine him to be, He brought me back to life, back to square one and probably happier.
Right now, all I know is that I gotta keep smiling. I gotta do it for Hian Lee, cause he needs this smile more than me. I love you Hian Lee. (:
Right here is the song I've been talking about.
Sleepless Nights - Faber Drive
Another sleepless night
I'm still starin' at the ceiling
I can hear him fighting
With her for no good reason
Will this ever end?
Will this house be a home again?
If I had my way
I'd corner him and say
Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Love's not enough when you say it
Don't you know you've gotta mean it
Screwing up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Another day goes by and nothing changed
He's still the same
I can hear her cryin
Thinking she's the one to blame
Will this ever end?
Will this house be a home again?
If I had my way
I'd corner him and say
Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Loves not enough when you say it
Don't you know you gotta mean it?
Screwing up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go
Screwing up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Another sleepless night and nothing changed
He's still the same
Another stupid fight and someone's gotta say
Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Loves not enough when you say it
Don't you know you gotta mean it?
Screwing up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go
Never let her go
No, no, no
Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go
The Girl Sitting by those yellow bedsheets,
Ezann.
3. August. 2009
(P.S. 6 more days to our 1st year! :D )
