I came across this a few minutes ago and I thought I'd want to share this with you (whoever you are) cause it's true. :D
the #1 reason why God created Eve...
When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"
A WOMAN'S DICTIONARY
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner." Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church. Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks. Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician." Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon. Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..." Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...! Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide. Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers." Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never
laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
SHORT GENDER JOKES
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Also, just a thought for all the women out there... And when we have real trouble, it's HISterectomy when men ask "What's wrong?" they mean: What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A WOMAN
1. Free drinks.
2. Free dinners.
3. Free movies.
4. Speeding ticket? What's that?
5. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
6. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
7. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
8. You can sleep your way to the top.
9. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
10. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
11. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
12. Brad Pitt.
13. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
14. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
15. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
16. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
17. You have the ability to dress yourself.
18. If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
19. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
20. You can quickly end any fight by crying.
21. Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
22. There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.
23. You've never had a goatee.
24. You'll never regret piercing your ears.
25. You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
26. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
27. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.
Letter to Tech Support:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
DesperateThat's all for now! :P Hope you liked it.
The girl laughing her head off,
Ezann.
12.December.2009
